Two months old

How did this happen?  Two months felt like forever and also no time at all.  I can't believe how quickly time is going.

Ian has done one or two smiles that look like social smiles.  We're still waiting for the consistent social smiles, though.  He's started to hold his head up better.  He's getting into more of a schedule, which consists of one longer and one shorter stretch of sleep at night, early morning awake time, two good size naps and some smaller naps throughout the day.  He's a good eater.  He's now 21.5 inches and 9lbs 4oz.

Evan has also done one or two smiles that are potentially social smiles.  He also smiles a lot in his sleep. He holds his head up really well.  He has a similar schedule to Ian, but likes to sleep after his early feeding and have a later morning awake time.  It's given me some individual time with each baby, but also means less gets done around the house.  :)  He's now 22.5 inches and 10lbs.

Parent Lunch Thursday

Most of my days are spent caring for the twins, but I want Lizzy and Matthias to feel important too.  Matthias has been reminding me all week that I could come each lunch with him at school today.  His teacher has a "Parent Luncheon" once a month and I've always been sad that I used to always work during that time and was not able to go do this.  So after feeding babies, getting ready for the day, feeding babies, and grabbing some things for lunch, I was able to go visit Matthias during his lunch time today.

He had told me that the parents usually bring things like McDonald's for these lunches.  He knows how to get what he wants, because I totally fell for it and brought him Burger King.  I didn't see any other kids with fast food.  Oops.  But it was easier than me trying to figure out something to make and bring, so I will count it as a win.

I was almost 10 minutes late to his lunch and felt really badly about that, but he was so happy when I walked in pushing the stroller with the babies.  He ran right over and gave me a hug.  The rest of his class started to gather around the stroller.  I had the covers over the car seats and quickly told the kids not to touch.  They were all really good.  Matthias was happy to open each cover and show off his brothers really briefly.

It was really fun to have lunch with my big kid.  After eating he went out to play with his friends.  I slowly followed him out to see if I could find Lizzy out there too.  Matthias was playing a tossing game with his friends.  I realized we hadn't taken a picture, so I quickly took one to document our lunch.

Once the bell rang I was able to spot Lizzy running toward her class line.  It was fun to give her a hug and she showed off her brothers to some of her friends too.

This evening, Matthias told us that during music he was sitting at one end of the semi-circle.  He said that every time his teacher would turn her back to him he would flip around and start pretending he was making out.  Then he showed us his moves.

Also, the babies were matchy-matchy today in "Mommy Loves Me" onesies.

One month old (4/14/2018)

Ian is a good sleeper and eater.  His cry has a little high pitched squeal to it.  He has two  dimples, but the one on the left cheek is more obvious.  Although he likes his binkie, he doesn't really want to have it to fall asleep.  He came home on oxygen and will stay on the oxygen for a while.  He had a little chemical burn on his left wrist in the NICU that has been healing up nicely.  He now weighs about 6 lbs 3 oz.

Evan is also a good sleeper and eater.  He can have mad little cry if I'm not helping him quick enough.  He also snorts a lot when he cries.  He loves and needs to be wrapped up tight and be sucking on his binkie to fall asleep.  He's accidentally rolled over a couple of times during tummy time.  He's still on his heart medication and we anticipate that he'll be on the medication for at least a year.  He now weighs about 6 lbs 5 oz.

Growing twins

Josh and I were hopeful that we can add more children to our family. In 2016, I learned that I have continued to have problems and had another surgery to remove another cyst. We hoped that this would make it easier to get pregnant, but we still had no luck.

We decided to try another route at the very beginning of Summer 2017 and started looking into IVF.  After some additional testing and discussion of IVF routes we could take, we started the real process at the very beginning of July 2017. My sister Rachel was so helpful during this whole thing--she was so kind to watch Matthias and Lizzy on several occasions when I had appointments up near her house. 

The process was hard (especially on me with all of the shots and hormones), but hopeful. Retrieval was the hardest appointment which left me in some pain.

At the retrieval appointment.  You can tell how we are both feeling.

About a week after we were set and went to our transfer appointment.  This was much easier than retrieval and Josh was all gowned up so he could join us for this appointment.

We decided to transfer two embryos since this increased our chances of getting pregnant with one baby.  We knew this also increased our chances of multiples, but we were happy to take that chance.

Look at how happy we are.

First picture with new babies

Our healthy little embryos.

Then the waiting game began.  It was during this time that Matthias was baptized, our house was packed up, and we moved to Reno.  It was hard because I wasn't allowed to lift things during this time.

After waiting about two weeks I took a pregnancy test and we were so excited to see that sometime worked and we were now expecting.  The question was, were we expecting one or two?  

On August 30, we had our first ultrasound.  We brought Matthias and Lizzy with us to this appointment, so that they could see  We were very happy to see that both embryos had attached.  It all felt very miraculous and we were all very excited.

Two babies!

We set about figuring out how to best announce to everyone our good news, but it was hard to wait.  We used all of the syringes (that I'd saved--a few were missing) and two cute onesies (that say made with a lot of love and science) to create our image.  Then we sent the following poem along with the picture to our families.

We prayed for another to add to our crew,

God laughed instead and blessed us with two!

This was such a happy and exciting time.  I didn't get too sick while pregnant (I only threw up once and it seemed like a fluke), but got tired quickly.  I also started to show really quickly. It felt like I got huge quickly too, but I didn't know what huge was at the beginning.

Two babies growing (end of September)

Small twin baby bump at the beginning of October

Slightly larger twin baby bump at the end of October.

When people found out we were having twins, I quickly made a couple of twin mom friends.  One of my friends told me that it felt like she was straight from first trimester symptoms to third trimester symptoms.  I was really hoping that I would get the energy boost at the beginning of the second trimester, but, even though the nausea abated a little bit, the fatigue and achy-ness started.  And I was still so tired.

At 20 weeks we brought Matthias and Lizzy with us to the ultrasound appointment to find out if we were having two girls, two boys, or a boy and a girl.  They really enjoyed watching the ultrasound for a time.  I thought for sure we were going to have a boy and a girl (and felt certain that baby A was a girl).  I laughed out loud when we learned that both babies were very clearly boys.  After learning this Matthias fell asleep in his chair and Lizzy tried to identify the rib cage, heart, and other things as the doctor was going through the full check.  The babies were growing well and measuring well at this point.

Baby A's (Ian's) placenta was also in a really low spot for the first couple of months of my pregnancy and I had been diagnosed with placenta previa--making it necessary to deliver by C section.  At my December appointment we learned that this had resolved somewhat and my diagnosis had changed to partial posterior placenta previa.  This still meant delivery via C section, but reduced risks for other complications.  Josh and I both felt really relieved.

It was during this time that I realized it was going to be more and more difficulty to keep up with me 32 hour work week (also there were problems with insurance since I was on my own plan and would need to switch to Josh's family plan).  I started talking with my boss about reducing my hours and changing the end of my contract (to the end of March instead of the end of May).  She was super nice and flexible about it.  On December 1, I switched to working 19 hours a week and only coming in on Tues, Wed, and Thursday.  This worked out really well and I was generally able to manage my fatigue a little better.

Sleeping also became a problem earlier with this pregnancy.  Every position was uncomfortable.  Luckily, Josh saved the day by getting me an awesome pregnancy pillow for Christmas, which helped me sleep so much better.  It also reduced the aches in my hips and lower back.  He also got me a pregnancy massage for Christmas, which was amazing.

Despite all of these things to try to make myself more comfortable, I was still really uncomfortable.  My doctor never put me on bed rest, but frequently suggested that I decrease my activity and lay down every couple of hours to rest.  This wasn't always possible (like at work), but I did my best to relax.

Beginning of January belly

Josh wanted a picture too. :)

End of January belly shot (about 6 months pregnant)

During the last month (or so) of this pregnancy my right foot hurt a lot and it became very hard to walk for long distances.  I had to park about 3/4 of a mile away from work and could no longer walk that far to my office.  I found that the campus shuttle made it possible for me to get to and from my car with minimal walking (my steps goals went down to 5,000/day, but I was happy if I made it to 3,500).

Middle of February belly (about 7 months pregnant)

The babies continued to grow nicely.  It was great to be able to see them at each appointment.

 

The week before Ian and Evan were born the doctor ordered non-stress tests.  This was supposed to mean that I would sit in a comfy chair for about an hour while they listened to the babies' heart beats.  It ended up being only a 15 minute appointment because both boys' heart rates responded exactly as they should really quickly.  That's a great thing, but it also meant that I needed to get up again sooner. 

Set up with two heart monitors for the non-stress test.
I had to post this picture because my skin was so uncomfortable
I often sat with my belly hanging out.

I could see the numbers on the scale growing and could definitely feel myself becoming heavier, but didn't realize how huge my belly got until I saw these pictures of myself near the end of my pregnancy.  No wonder I was so uncomfortable.

Beginning of March

Nothing fit, so I wore comfy pants under my dress to church.

Eating snacks and trying to pay attention in Sunday School.
I had my own little table. Beginning of March 2018

Choosing to Move to Reno, NV

Josh applied and interviewed at a lot of schools during the 2016-2017 application cycle.  Since he was finishing his post-doc we had planned that he would now look for an assistant professor position at a university.  He had a great interview at the University of Nevada, Reno, despite interviewing when the university closed due to flooding.  He got an offer pretty quickly.  We were hoping that things with BYU might work out, but felt that we should still consider Reno.  

I remember early in 2017 praying for about an hour about what we should do.  I remember feeling strongly that we should continue to pursue a move to Reno.  Even though I felt strongly about this, I still personally held back and wasn't really ready to fully do that.

As part of this pursuing the Reno option, we went to Reno as a family for a few days to explore and see if it could be a possibility for our family.  We were able to meet with Josh's potential colleagues and ask a lot of questions.  I felt some peace during that meeting that this could be a good fit for all of us.  We were able to go rock climbing, drive around Reno, and drive around a little with a realtor to get an idea of the housing market.  We also enjoyed one of the buffets at Circus Circus and Matthias was introduced to lobster claws (he's a fan and also a silly kid).

When we got back from Reno, I wrote this in my journal.

March 19, 2017

We got back from Reno, NV last night. Josh has an offer at UNR and I was just invited for an initial interview. I have mixed feelings about this, because it is exciting and it's a beautiful city, but I love my job and my life here. And I know I can't ask Josh to wait for BYU--it's not fair and it's not the right thing.

I prayed and wanted to write down some of my questions and answers.  One main question is, what does God want our family to do and where does he want us to be next school year? I also wanted to know what He might want from me in particular.

These are some of the thoughts I had while praying. First, I need to get more sleep. I was also reminded to do those things that bring balance to my lifer--sleep, exercise, do my best in all that I'm doing (including delegating or letting things go), say my prayers, and study the scriptures.

Second, I was able to express my concerns about Reno more fully--specifically the differences between Reno and Provo and whether or not I could get my license in Nevada (which would affect my job prospects). The Lord told me that I need to do my research on that second part.  I was also reminded that I think I already know we're going to Reno. So from there I changed to asking  for blessings specifically for housing, school, friends, Chinese programs, and my work.  I also had the impression that Josh should ask Reno about potential part-time jobs for me.

Sometimes prayer feels like my own counseling session. I need to do that more often.

End Journal Entry

We found out not long after that that BYU Health Sciences had finished their voting and Josh and come in second.  We decided that we would not wait it out and told this to BYU.  After praying again, Josh accepted the offer at UNR.  

Even though I knew this was the right choice, I still struggled with it.  I also struggled with the idea that I might end up as a stay at home mom with two kids in school full time (I had found out that I didn't get the full time job).  What would I do with my time?  I spoke with several family members about this.  Rachel had some great advice on how to keep busy and how my SAH mom experience should have come when we were living close so we could just hang out all of the time. :)  

I also called and chatted with Jonathan, who thought for sure I had butt dialed him.  He had great advice about finding additional values in my life--as my life is not just my work and my kids.  It was really helpful to talk to him and really helped me shift my perspective about how nice this could be.  When I was eventually offered a 3/4 time position at UNR, I was both excited for the opportunity and also saddened that I wouldn't have as much time at home to grow in ways that I had started envisioning after talking to Jonathan.  It also meant putting off our book club.  

I also chatted with God about this.  One night as I was reflecting on our decision to move and how my life had worked out up until this point, I remembered that God always had a better plan than I ever did.  So one night I was up late and praying and had this conversation.

Me: You have something better planned for us, don't you?

God: Yes

Me: Then I will go, but I will still be a little sad about it.

God: That's okay

Me: Okay, I'll stop throwing a fit about it then.

God: Great!

We went out to Reno again in June to look more seriously at houses and go camping at Lake Tahoe.  We generally enjoyed looking at houses and Matthias and Lizzy liked trying to decide which room would be theirs in each option.  After looking at one particularly weirdly organized house, we drove away and realized that the street was called Centre Pante Court (said center pantie).  The kids loved that.  

Lizzy was disappointed that we didn't want to buy the house in SW Reno that was almost completly pink inside.  It was a nice house, but would have needed a lot of upgrading and we just weren't feeling up to that after updating and then leaving our last home. 

We found a house in the new NW area of Reno that is fairly close to the elementary school and UNR.  It also has great access to Peavine Mountain (and mountain biking), so we put in an offer. 

We then headed out to D.L. Bliss campsite. We had a great time in the out doors.  We went on hikes and played in the water.  Tahoe was so cold in June, but we had such a great time together as a family.

At the beginning of August, the day came to finally pack everything up and move to Reno.  This time was both sad and also exciting.  Packing up a whole house worth of stuff was a big job, but the kids helped and then we had a bunch of family come to help us load up the truck.

Lizzy rolling a box to the truck.  I hope it's not fragile.

Matthias had a great Star Wars room that he was sad to leave.

Lizzy had an awesome pink room that she was also sad to leave.

We packed the truck on a Saturday, went to Sacrament meeting on Sunday, and then drove off to Reno.  On the way out of church, Lizzy poked her head into primary and said a loud bye to everyone.  Grandma Lewis got this picture of her right afterwards.

Saying good buy to our house.  We ended up switching cars--the van was pulled behind the truck (driven by Josh and Jake) and I drove the car with the kids.  We made it to Reno late Sunday night to start our new adventure.

Matthias' Baptism

Matthias turned 8 this year and had the opportunity to be baptized.  For the first half of the year we spent a lot of Family Home Evenings learning about what covenant means and what covenants Matthias will make at baptism.  We also practiced how he would stand and what dad would do in the water.

He was pretty excited about all of this.

Matthias was baptized on August 5, 2017 in the Oak Hills Stake in Provo, Utah. Bishop Devin Taylor said some really nice things about watching Matthias for the last two years as our neighbor across the street.  He mentioned watching Matthias prepare himself for baptism.  I'm very proud of this big kid choosing to be baptized.